Icy’s Pokemon Journey in HeartGold – The Elite Four

Everyone needs a break right? WRONG! Those that stay in one spot die, those that become NEETs fail! Therefore it is the duty of a Pokemon trainer to make sure that they never have a moments break. So thats why today we are here, back at the Indigo Plateau to once again challenge the Elite Four. “Why train here, why not just train with wild Pokemon or finish off the remaining trainers in Kanto?”, you ask? Because this lets me post multiple pictures and tell you why I like, dislike, or love the Elite Four! First up is Will (Itsuki), the not very well liked Psychic Pokemon trainer!

Does anyone even like this guy? Hell does anyone even know about this guy? Despite being a Psychic-type Pokemon trainer of the Elite Four, most people get past him easily. Even while you read this my Pokemon have already won without taking a hit. Seriously, how’d this guy get to be in the Elite Four?

Next up is the awesome Koga (Kyō), Ninja of legend, and father of unattractive daughter Janine (Anzu) this man threatens you with the might of the Poison Pokemon! However, it seems like he is never able to poison your Pokemon. Seriously, they couldn’t make him a little more challenging? Oh well, at least hes a ninja. BELIEVE IT

Young Koga is pretty damn attractive.

Now for the most strongest looking character I’ve never seen in Pokemon (in terms oh physical strength) Bruno (Siba)! Unlike the first two Elite Four, this guy is actually a challenge if your using slow Pokemon. But if anyone with a above average speed can take him down rather easy. Not the hardest fight ever, but it can get frustrating if you have to heal every 2 turns. For my team however, this was a cake walk. The very odd thing about Bruno is that no images exist for him on Danbooru. I don’t know why, hes not bad looking. And he’s cooler then Will.

“Your buying the new Pokemon right?”
God, I’ve masturbated to her every day for the past 4 days…

Uuuuuuhhhh… Karen, yeah, her. Shes got nice boobs. Boobs are nice. Don’t get me wrong I like delicious flat chests as much as the next person. But it’s not wrong to like a little fat too, right? Going off-topic here, who the hell cares what Karen’s new outfit is. Most people only see her once and thats at Elite Four. You never see her in Johto, or Kanto, or anywhere outside of the Indigo Plateau building! Hell, you never see any of the Elite Four leave the building other then Lance. That makes me believe that all these Elite Four are failures or just not generally not well liked in the Pokemon World Society. The only reason Lance is tolerated is because he can obliterate majority of the people living in the Pokemon World.

Looking back, that guy in the Team Rocket HQ in Mahogany Town, is he even a grunt? I mean he looks like any other normal person. He must have just been shopping for over priced crap when, BOOM! In comes Lance the ex-cop with a grudge against criminals. Threating to blow up the shop unless the shop owner reveals the location of some secret device that is pissing off all the Magikarp in the Lake of Rage. This run of the mill man then interves to tell Lance to CALM THE FUCK DOWN only to be severally injured by a hyber beam from Dragonite. This is when the player character arrives and proceeds underground to the secret base with Lance. The resulting fate of the unlucky man is unknown to us, so therefore it is only logical that he must have died from his injuries, because can you really survive a beam of pure energy from a ancient creature that is known to travel faster then the speed of sound/light?

Lance is a cold-blooded murder, and must be stopped and brought to justice. Hence the reason why you must face the Elite Four, and to protect the world from his devastation. To unite the people within the nation. To denounce the evils of Lance and his lackeys. And to extend your reach to the stars above! Lyra! Ethan! Pokemon Trainers, blasting off at the speed of light. Defeat Lance! So prepare to fight!

Fuck yeah! Thats right!!


One Response

  1. I actually liked this one…

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